|
THE CELEXICONBy Steven Ricci celeanarchy: the condition or state of utter chaos brought on by rampant Cele messages celebacy: abstention from committing a Cele celebilitation: The 12-step program offered to chronic Cele offenders. cele-bration: The joyous reveling (unique to the culture of university editors) that occurs when a Cele is awarded. celeclone: The commission of a subsequent, repeat Cele in an attempt to thwart, document or admonish an original Cele. cele-envy: The psychological precept that maintains that those who have never earned a Cele are subconsciously envious, and are therefore more prone to Celeism. celefane: the characteristic of being profane or using profanity in the act of Cele-ing or reacting to Celeistic activity. celefree: The complete absence of celeism. celeism: Adherence, worship, or conformance to a doctrine that promotes the posting of erroneous, fallacious, and/or spurious e-mails to an otherwise functional e-mail list. celeitis: An acute physiological manifestation that results from the reading of too many Cele posts; symptoms include severe facial tics; teeth gnashing; indigestion and watering of the eyes. Persistent symptoms could lead to projectile spitting, chronic incontinence, reflexive striking of one's computer screen, and the spontaneous hurling of nearby office-related objects such as staplers, desk furniture, and interns. celelicentiousness: The condition of intentionally committing acts of Cele without moral restraint or consideration for the feelings of other list members celelular: Possessing a Cele-like property or nature. celery: The fixed compensation given chronic Cele posters by their employers, usually in the form of a stringy stalk vegetable commonly used in potato salad. celemiliation: The embarrassment suffered by a Cele winner. celenoma: A malignant growth in your Inbox that results from the damage caused by free radical Cele cells. celeology: The scientific and philosophical study of all things Cele. celephobia: An irrational fear of committing a Cele or a Cele itself celephrenia: The mental condition that makes sufferers unable to distinguish between personal and list e-mail. celeputty: A rubbery message that bounces from mailbox to mail box. celesilly: A Cele posting that is amusing or hilarious. celeterialsclerosis: The clogging of e-mail arteries with perpetual Cele postings. celeternity: A theoretical concept in which Cele messages replicate in perpetuity, until such time as the very fabric of time/space collapses inward, forming an impossibly dense "black Cele" from which neither matter, light, nor common sense can escape. celeulite: One who practices Cele-ism and/or posts a message about the lumpy fat deposits that collect on thigh tissue. E Celi: A bacteria that forms in underproofed posts and attacks brain cells, leading to a viral contamination of e-mail and subsequent irreversible brain degeneration.
Steven Ricci Return to The Cele Garrett Page |