Single Sided Deafness - Social Effects

First impressions...

People with unilateral hearing loss often behave in ways that allow them to hear better, either consciously or unconsciously. This behaviour can seem strange to others, even if it may not recognized as such. However, I've wondered about what sort of impression I leave to people I am just getting to know, and how that affects the relationship. I think in some cases the effect can be substantial.

The turning head.

It quite frequently happens that as I turn my head to hear a soft-spoken person better, or to hear better in a noisy environment, the person I am talking to will also turn their head. This seems to be one of those curious subconscious social cue things that goes on. What various people think of this, I could not say, although one person mentioned that it seemed to make me look "thoughtful".

Some 15 years ago I went to have my hearing retested and to look into any new developments in hearing that might be of help to me. This was at the UCSD Medical Center. I went through the usual tests of beeps and whistles, which confirmed that I am stone deaf in my left ear - nothing, nada, zippo. But I tell you this because after all the tests with the technician, I sat down for a 20 min. discussion with the doctor, who charged me some $250 for that consultation. During that consultation, I was having a hard time hearing the soft-spoken doctor and turned my head. The $500/hr doctor was also turning his head! :) Even the experts are not picking up on these cues (and I felt rather gypped - the doctor should have known better.)

Around in circles.

A corollary to The Turning Head occurs sometimes when standing during a conversation. If I turn my head to hear better, the person I am talking too will start to move to his right to face me directly. I, of course, turn my head some more to hear him, and pretty soon we are slowing turning in circles. I've taken to stopping the conversation, telling the person that I am deaf in one ear and asking them to stop moving to their right. Honesty is the best policy.

Social gatherings: The noisy room.

What a nightmare, and it doesn't even have to be that noisy. Beware also of noises such as from overhead projectors, traffic, or even the high-frequency whine of televisions (that most people can't even hear) - these noises are also fairly destructive of conversations. More later.

Choosing where to sit.

I will most often completely ignore the person sitting on my deaf side. It is very difficult to carry on a conversation, e.g., at a dinner party. I will sometimes just turn to the person on my left and apologize for ignoring them up front and explain the situation. People are understanding if they know what is going on.